Darwin Awards: Honoring the Foolish for Their Contribution to Human Evolution
February 3, 2024 World & Culture
The Darwin Awards are a rhetorical tongue-in-cheek honor that originated in Usenet newsgroup discussions around 1993, officially stamped through the launch of its dedicated website in the same year by the writer Wendy Northcutt.
The Darwin Awards honor those who tip chlorine into our gene pool, by accidentally removing their own DNA from it during the spectacular climax of a 'great idea' gone veddy, veddy wrong.
In the spirit of Charles Darwin, the father of evolution, the Darwin Awards commemorate individuals who protect our gene pool by making the ultimate sacrifice of their own lives. Darwin Award winners eliminate themselves in an extraordinarily idiotic manner, thereby improving our species' chances of long-term survival.
Charles Darwin and the Theory of Evolution:
Charles Darwin, globally recognized as the creator of the theory of evolution, posited that the driving force behind it is natural selection. In the ruthless realm of nature, the unintelligent and weak perish, while the intelligent and strong endure, passing on their inherited intellect and strength to their descendants. Thus, the ape evolves into a human.
Wendy Northcutt - The Award's Initiator:
The award, with candidates each year, is granted to those presumed to have contributed to human evolution by sacrificing their own genes through death or infertility resulting from their actions. The award is typically given posthumously, but there are also "unique" cases where individuals receive it for complex reproductive self-denial.
Wendy Northcutt started collecting the stories that make up the Darwin Awards in 1993, while she was doing biochemistry research at Stanford University. "I found dumb deaths in newspaper articles from around the world, rewrote them to bring out the humor, and sent them to a small email list of friends", as she says.
Rules for Winning the Darwin Award:
Wendy Northcutt established five essential rules for candidates to be eligible for the award. Failure to meet any of these rules disqualifies a candidate, emphasizing:
Inability to Reproduce: Either through death or infertility.
Exceptional Stupidity: The candidate's incredibly foolish act leading to death.
Self-Selection: The candidate intentionally ends their own life.
Maturity: The person must be legally of age and responsible for their actions.
Documentation: The narrative of the candidate's death must be well-documented with strong evidence, not mere fantasy.
Top 5 Darwin Award Winners:
While earning a Darwin Award implies death or at least infertility, some see it as a strange accomplishment worthy of celebration in Darwin's memory.
1. Stolen Moments Led to Stolen Life:
In 2008 46-year-old David Monk was on holiday in Sauze D’Oulx, Italy, with a group of friends. After having a few beers one evening, the lads decided to steal a protective mat that covered the metal barriers at the bottom of the slope and use it as a sledge. They hiked up the hill, hurled themselves down it, and promptly slammed straight into the very same barrier they’d stolen the protective matting from.
David died on the spot, earning himself a Darwin award in the process. “He was a brilliant guy,” David’s friend Alan MacGregor told the Daily Mail.
2. The Rectal Alcohol Injector:
Texan Michael Warner, a 58-year-old machine shop owner, had a long history of alcoholism but couldn't ingest alcohol by mouth because of painful medical problems with his throat. During a party, he asked his wife to inject 1.5 liters of sherry into his rectum, causing him to lose his consciousness and, ultimately died. Michael joined the list of Darwin winners for his weird choice.
3. The Coward and His Friends:
In 2001, Marco, driving with friends, discovered brake failure while driving down a steep mountain road but kept it a secret. Jumping out before the truck reached the edge, he hoped to survive. Another passenger was able to bring the vehicle to a stop a short distance away. However, after saving the truck, Marco's friends found him dead, strucking his head on the pavement and died at the scene. No one else was injured. His cowardice guaranteed him a Darwin Award.
4. The Amateur Diver's Leap:
In the 1999 Darwin Awards nominations was a 27-year-old man who met his untimely demise at Skrinkle Haven in Wales. In an apparent attempt to impress a group of teenage boys, the man (who’s name the Darwin Awards don’t reveal) dove off an 80-foot cliff into the water.
If done properly, an 80-foot cliff dive shouldn’t be fatal, but it appears the man had zero prior experience of high-diving. He was knocked unconscious by the water, and although the teenagers climbed down and fished him out, he was proclaimed dead on arrival at the hospital. Needless to say the teenagers weren’t impressed by the stunt.
5. Feather of Death:
The Darwin Award for an unfortunate incident in the mountains is awarded to a woman who tragically lost her life in a peculiar sequence of events. While walking in the mountains, she spotted a delicate feather on the ground and attempted to pick it up. However, a sudden gust of wind lead her to chase after it. In an ill-fated decision, she ran towards a nearby fence instead of away from it, all in pursuit of the feather. The consequence was dire as she fell from a height of 300 meters. She died the next day from a head injury.